黄义达 - 保留

歌词编辑:闫江超

我想保留 你吻我唇的温度
我想保留 那片月下的温柔
那一天的朦胧 被动心所邂逅
躲在背后 故事已被开了头
谁的守候 耳朵里住了多久
谁的感受 孤独在时间的尽头
都笑着 问以后 要的爱在那里有
谁会 告诉我 我要的人在哪里有
多渴望 拥抱你 不放手
可我说不出口 说爱你到永久
So ......你和我都伤自己最重
我怎能够对你没有保留

多渴望 拥抱你 不放手
岁月没有给我 和你对的藉口
So......你和我都伤自己最重
我怎能够对你没有保留

多渴望 拥抱你 不放手
可我说不出口 说爱你到永久
So ......你和我都伤自己最重
我怎能够对你没有保留

YiDA came out with his new songs!

Totally thrilled!!!!

Read in some places that he had moved into a company in China.

And is currently based on China I guess.

A total collection of 5 songs in the EP.

So like this song 保留 particularly.

Sang my feeling out...

Here by are some free publicity for him :-) 

多渴望 拥抱你 不放手
可我说不出口 说爱你到永久
So ......你和我都伤自己最重
我怎能够对你没有保留

孙燕姿 - 是时候

作词：钟礽依
作曲：饶善强

害怕看见 你骤变的脸
也不想理解 失温的语言
是时候 该转身就走
从此放弃我们渴望的永久
不想承认你还出现梦中 温暖安慰我
即使一秒钟也难承受

我多恨自己轻易的放开手
以为能承受 还能从容不迫
坚强不是我 想要的解脱
假装能好好过

害怕察觉 你分心的眼
不想再争辩 你说的谎言
是时候 就放手 谁能够
我多恨自己就这样让你走
以为很洒脱 以为这是温柔
却忘了你和我
一样的脆弱 一样的难过

多希望自己就这样松开手
一切很洒脱 好好看着你走
坚强该是我 给你的自由

还能做什么

I have called and I have texted
But my action seemed to be of no meaning

You said that we will talk next time, instead of later
You are cold to me. I cannot feel the passion anymore

I thought there's still some feeling hiding somewhere inside you
Perhaps its too minute and I cannot feel the slightest bit of it

I guess I have to try to let go and free myself again
though I have been trying for the past 2 months
and I did not even realized
it felt like it has just happened

Day by day
I watch our future fading away...

I shall again, convinced myself that everything is all right :-)
I am no weak guy;
I cannot be beaten!
Things that don't kill me will make me stronger;
and I will make sure I win this emotional internal warfare!

No alcohol;
no junk food;
and no emo face;
Yes to Secret Recipe;
Yes to Arcade game session;
Yes to Ji-mui (I kinda hate this name but I will use it today~) scream-like-a-dimbo session @GSC Times Square today!

And thanks Jayson for sharing this healing song :-)

No one can beat me. If I were to lose, I have only myself to blame; for I believe that I will only be beaten down if I let it be~

I will stay, how about you?

You said that you have no interest or what so ever to contribute to this fucked up country.
You said you have not wished to cast your vote or even register to become a voter.
You said that you will just pack and leave the country for good if you can no longer bear the havoc.

You are living in a huge cozy house a few times bigger than mine;
when there are some people who are living in constant fear with bullet zooming here and there.
You are granted citizenship;
when there are kids who are not allowed to sit for UPSR just because they don't have a piece of effing birth cert.
You are living in a life where money never seems to be a problem;
when there are people leaving their family behind to earn a living in a foreign country.

Like it or not, somehow you have benefited from this country. This very country has given you pretty lot in case you have not realized it.

Yes, this is a fucked up country run by fucked up people. But what if... what if one day, these people realized their mistakes and come to you asking for a second chance. They asked for another chance to repent; another chance to repair; another chance to make thing better...

Will you still re-consider to stay back? Will you support them? Will you help them to run the country for a better future? Or will you just ignore and walk away?

Well, I have decided to stay back and make some changes. I still believe there are chances and hopes!

I refused to stand there doing nothing! I will try my best to strive for a better change! I may have no discover the right path yet, but I will keep on walking until I have found it. If I never tried, I will never know what would be the outcome; and I am afraid I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Since the time we knew each other from the beginning, I came to notice that you are someone who will run away from problem; instead of staying back and trying to mend things.

I believe the country will be more than happy to have you around. Yet, the country will respect your decision and wish you all the best :-)

May we still see each other in future.
I will be missing you~
Bon voyage~

Be true to my own feeling

Living till the age of 22.6 (Haha, I don't feel like calling myself 23 though September is just in a blink of an eye~), I think it's important to be one's self. I do not want to suppress my feeling anymore! I have been replaying the moments we spent together from time to time on these days. I don't wanna go insane fighting over it; and thus I shall be honest with myself from now on :-)

I MISS YOU!

Though we are no longer together, I still miss you.

I miss your kissing;

I miss your huggies;

I miss the way you pronounce pu-pu;

I miss the your funny accent;

I miss your handsome face!

But still, being honest to myself is totally DIFFERENT with being honest to others. Being too honest will sometimes, proven to be harmful to others feeling or not practical (I have come to learn about this the hard way~) And so, I still reserve the act of spitting out my feeling towards you. I shall keep it to myself, and those who read this post.

(Well, writing this down on a blog, in which I have located links on Facebook and MSN, may not be coherent to my "reserve the act of spitting out my feeling towards you" principle; perhaps some part of me wanted you to find out, or let you know about this feeling in whatever way it may be~ But-tham, I guess by the time you find out about this, it will be ages later, which would make this matter another story to tell in the future... For you kids perhaps, or mine~)

Pit pit! Enough of emo thingy, there's are still very fantastic things about being true to myself- like being openly gay, except to my family members and relatives!

Below is a very funny and awesome SMS from a pretty handsome guy, who enjoys sex as well!

Amazingly, he too knew what I have wanted... in general lah~

Again, he is straight! In fact, most of friends are straight! I only have a pathetically handful of gay friends, sigh~ He is a huge fan of the new "Sex & Zen-3D", which I have heard from a Singaporean asshole that the erotic film is currently in cinema for Hong Kong as well as Taiwan. Not sure about Singapore though~ I shall suggest a private screening session after exam, given we managed to download it :-) Hihi

Oh Lord, look at the superb choice of words:

EXTREME ESTASY!
THE WORLD'S FIRST 3D EROTIC FILM!!!

Seriously, I salute Hong Kong for making this man~

Look at the pose! The choice of colors! The fashion! And the setting and the background and everything! Totally awesome!

Looking back at our beloved Malaysian's effing censorship on "... dalam botol"

Speechless~

But funny, we can read about sodomy cases ah... adultery ah... on the front pages of major newspapers wor~

Hmm...

Can censoring all those scenes help to fight social illness? Or we should do something about our major screwed up education system?! Food for thought, people~

Ops, major content deviation from the title of this post~ Ngek

MY LOVE 我的爱人

The law of attraction: The likes attract the likes!

I am going to put this to experiment again :-)

Wish me luck! Haha~

 

 

I was really inspired to do this!

Picked up some highlighters and just drew it!

I am gonna catch a hunk, which is 

rational, 

creative, 

determined, 

patient,

kind, 

loyal to me, 

strong (physically and mentally), 

environmental friendly, 

and horny

to me ONLY! 

 

Sorry folks! I am gonna get him! Haha!

I ain't gonna say that we cannot live without each other those kinda things; I am just not really into it.

Instead, I think it's better to say that we are complement to each other.

We will be better being together!

I wonder when faith can bring us together~

Just don't let me wait too long k!

 

I am positive about it!

Amazing things happen when you say YES!

Can I donate blood?

Today was one of the grateful days that we have Mr. Karate to take us away from the misery of eating the ever similar menu everyday at the college canteen! Whenever I feel like eating with minimal killing, what is left for me is Nasi Kerabu, which I has begun to grow bored of :-(

Like usual, we settled at Tian Xia Genting Klang for the economic rice, where I can eat the maximal amount of broccoli and cauliflower as the main source for my daily fiber intake; so that defecation in the toilet on takes less than 5 minutes every time, haha!

It was really wonderful to be able to spend time with friends on the same table gossiping and laughing like nobody else business. Of course the contents of the juicy conversation shall not be disclosed over here. It's part of my training to not disclose major reality to the public (But I do like open secret, which make someone feel reluctant to have me around him for non-serious matters~ )

And then again, gay issues. My cibai friend (I think he looked quite cute to the TOPs, hehe!) brought up the issue where gay people are not allowed to donate blood.

Cibai friend: "Gay people have a higher tendency to be engaged in sexual activities! Eh, don't tell me an undergrad like you don't realize that! It is written in the form okay!"

Me: "Yeah, but you cannot just stereotype the entire population like that! It's not fair! There are some gay who are still virgin, so they are not allowed to donate blood as well lah?! How about those who practice safe sex?!"

Cibai friend: "I said that you people have a higher tendency! For instance, look at yourself! Yes, some straight people do practice random sex, but then it is also noted in the form that anyone with multiple sex partner are not encouraged to donate blood too~"

My determination to protect the image of LGBT community was instantly put off. I was a bit out of words when he put me onto the table. Well, there was no lie in his statement though. I am not really a good example of a clean person when it comes to that topic. It would be just like Dato' Seri Chua Soi Lek being the health minister last time; I would not be very much convinced by whatever he promoted in related to health issues.

It is just natural that them to become wary about my status and I understand that. I don't hate them for this; I just got a bit of disappoint at myself that's all. Sigh~

But still, I am against the act of labeling or stereotyping the gay community as promiscuous (though I am not surprised to know that most of the gay community are no longer virgin; but I am very sure that the others who were eating on the same table are still virgin!!! 100% guaranteed! Or else they would have told me long before! Haha, I still hold the record for having the most partners at the moment!)

Deep down, I guess these bunch of buddies still recognize me as a good boy in general. Haha! And that is something in which I can be proud of in my university life :-)

Ohya, back to the question on whether am I allowed to donate blood, a holy deed? Well, I would not be donating blood for the moment, unless I have proven myself to be 100% clean. In my opinion, those who are sexuality active with multiple sex partners, are not encouraged to donate blood as you can never be too sure whether you are clean or not. It's no only HIV I am talking about, there are still loads of funny bugs that you don't want to mess with. But still, no condom, no sex! Happy masturbating, people!

Note:
1. These bunch of buddies are straight and they have no interest in poking through someone's back side.
2. To me and the cibai friend, words such as cibai & lanciao are something holy, which must be practiced in each and every conversation, haha!
3. They know that I am gay :-)

Questions without answers

Have you ever loved me before?
Or you were just confused back then?
Was I just a rebound?
Are you dating someone now?
Have I done anything wrong?
Why you keep yourself away from me?
Is there something you wanted to tell me?

Again, I was haunted by the past: the time when we were still together. The relationship has ended pretty abrupt. I cannot figure out the reasons behind. And thus, I wanted answers! I wanted to call you so much! I wanted the truth!

The last time I called you, I knew you went blank and kinda sounded excited. Are you excited the fact that I still care for you? If you were, why our conversation lasted so short, compared to the time before we were together? I thought we could be friends, but I was sure that you were treating me as someone else. Who am I to you at the present? Am I a friend? Or am someone whom you wanna avoid for unknown reasons?

At the same time, why are you not replying my messages? Why you switched off your cellphone in the morning? You said you just wanna be alone... Why? Is there anything I can help, as a friend? Or will my presence just make things go more complicated?

Do you still have feelings towards me?
Do you...

My mind will soon go crazy if I don't end this torture soon! For that, I shall, too, give each others more space and time to settle whatever shit in between.

Perhaps... some questions are just better off without answers. Or may be... it's not the time for me to have the answers, for the impact may be too much for me to handle... Even if I get the answers, will they represent the truth?

I did not call you...

Love-dovey :-)

He is a cute kid-like tall guy, and another is a know-it-all type kinda husband guy. Both are in their early 30s. Though 7 years of being together, they are still very adorable. Both are still behaving as though they just fall in love with each other :-) I can see that from their happy faces.

Being stuck in the dull room was a total suffer for me! I really need to get out! And thus, I spent my evening hanging out with both of them.

The KLCC PC fair was a total chaos and I sworn I shall never step into any PC fair again! Plus, there were more hot chicks than hot dicks. Three of us were not even attracted to the their lack-of-cloth strategy.

After more than an hour of shoulder-brushing and constant apology to the surrounding people, we were inside Pavillion's Coffee Beans. It was my first time there and I was treated, with something called The ultimate :-) Aiya, sap-sap shoi for them, two working professionals, no children lagi. Haha!

Most of the time I stayed quiet (because I am not really closed to his hubby!) and I just observed how they behaved. (Another case study, haha!) Seriously, they were really cute! They were talking about their dream houses; the interior designs; and their mom cooking in the kitchen. Ohya, both family had already accepted the unbelievable fact that they have son-in-law instead of daughter-in-law for their son.

Most of the time, the cute tall guy was like a brother to me. He sort of taught me and enlightened me on my future; where else his hubby kinda like to tease me, from my hairstyle to my rather lack of ambitious life. After that, we balik rumah pi~

It felt pretty amazing to witness something, which not much people believe in, happening before me. Yes, the previous relationships have kinda eroded my believe in this sort of unnatural relationship. It just felt rather fragile and main-main.

However, they inspired me today :-) Perhaps I should put aside the idea of having a giant tortoise crawling around my house and... at least for the time being.

Toxicity Therapeutic

  Do my fingers looked a bit creepy to you? Haha

Before I get dizzy figuring on the details on how respiratory failure can get one's head goes dizzy, I shoved away the notes and replaced the table top with little bottles containing hazardous (potentially or not, harmful under chronic exposure) substances- nail polish. I shall not elaborate more on it for most of the products easily accessible to us with cheap prices contains something evil inside that will potentially cost your life, given the fact you are using it every single minute lah~ Haha! No! I am serious about that okay!

I bought all my nail polish from Elianto,

because it's only RM5 each.

Still pretty affordable for me lah.

Nail painting?! Wait, I am not into dragging stuffs okay! It's a pretty rare kind of trend for guys in Malaysia or anywhere around the world. In fact, I have only met ONE guy with his nail painted so far; and he was no sissy! (Nor am I, sometimes~) I guess the trend was originated from Japan lah. Well, all sort of rather weird and funny trends came from Japan, apart from Taiwan. Anyway, I developed a strong interest in nail art since the time I noticed the main character of the Made-in-Japan arcade game: The King of Fighters (starting year 2003), Ash Crimson painted his nail.

 The King of Fighter 2003 Hero Team:

Ash Crimson, Shen Woo, and Duo Lon (from right to left.)

Well, that's a little bit of background to share. Here's my work!

 

 

 A random gift from my ex

cost him around RM50

Well, tonight it has definitely washed away all my negative emotions by looking at my own work :-) It's very important to indulge in one's hobby from time to time!

Ohya, for the record, a local artist actually complimented on my minute artwork. He liked the fact that it is a mobile, as it is on my nails, flashing here and there wherever I go. Haha! Good night SKP~ for an extremely productive weekend ahead! ZZZ.....

p/s: Yes, the nail polish is toxic, but it's therapeutic for me :-)

Withdrawal syndrome

Again, I was distracted. Once I flipped opening my notes, I thought of nothing than about relationship matter! I don't know how come my thinking became so damned fucking narrow today! I kept thinking why the heck I am still alone and fucking single, where else others happily yiyap-ing out there! Like so many of them! Like most of those gay bloggers whom I followed... most are not single! E-yew! Can someone spare someone for me?! But still, terms and condition applied!

Inevitably, the whole mind game led me thinking of my ex. The time we spent hugging and doing the most unproductive things in the world without feeling guilty about it. The privilege of having someone to rant about everything under the sun whenever and wherever I am. It was all gone~ Sigh~

HELP ME!!! I'm having withdrawal syndrome! Goodness gracious for I didn't pick up smoking and other unhealthy habits... And now the fucking gym is locked! CIBAI punya CIBAI college!

The devil in me

I am just those kinda person who likes to do crazy things (without giving another thought) once a while. And I am triple-time sorry if anyone happen to see me doing all the time. Please do not blame your bad luck upon me! I have just never failed to upset people from time to time, in a higher than average frequency :-( Yeah I admit I have somehow developed some sort of pleasure from taking advantages of others suffering. Oh The Dark Lord Ruby-Eye Shabranigdo, please praise me for following your evil path~

Introducing The Dark Lord Ruby-Eye Shabranidgo from The Slayer series 

If you're lucky, you find intense pleasure hanging out with me. Or else, off you go to HELL! For sure, I am not the nicest kid in the neighborhood nor I am the last person you wanna seek help from. If I have insulted you somehow, my apology. Seriously I will never know when I will insult anyone for there are just some people who will interpret things in a slight different way than I am; though my entire family apart from my silly father think that I am a freak in the house! So I shall not hold back on whatever thing I feel like doing. Oh brother, I just CANNOT entertain everyone around me! Being Mr. Congeniality 24-7 is just too tiring for me and I shall rest my case. 

However, I still regard myself a person with knowledge and morale higher than average. I have my own sets of principles, like it or not. At least I won't go around in the public telling that a wife should become her hubby's sex toy!

But in the end of the day, I still feel bad if I have upset someone. I will hit myself hard when someone told me that I have insulted them somehow, for like... a few seconds. Haha! (Laughing like Ash Crimson) Why take life so serious anyway?

 Introducing Ash Crimson from THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIII

Be who you wanna be and say what you wanna say, because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter. (Eric Lim 2010)