I told myself to stop committing into a relationship for 2 years. Fuck and casual dating is alright. Yeah I heard people in their years of relationship complaining about partnered life la, and get stuck in there for good because no one wanted to take the risk of being single again. Hmm, I never thought of this way but I guess if it goes by their fear for being single again, it makes partnered life more appealing right? Haha.
Tulsie asked me to get over with Subang guy. Oh fuck really. Looking back actually Pastry guy still pretty lengzai. Hipster guy have the masculine boyish look but sometimes behaved like a little girl *hmmm-ing* at me for no reasons. These two people have suicidal points that I cannot tahan hence I will not touch them again. Subang guy, still, despite being secretive of his real emotion, he is pretty stable and real. Tall, getting fat but somehow I don't mind. I keep thinking of about him again.
The pain of having to control your lust and emotion. Installing JackD, uninstall it the next week, install it again the subsequent week. Damned. Perhaps I am getting old like Subang guy. He always said he is getting old this year. He is 28 and I am 27.
Asked about his xmas gift exchange party and he said he bought socks and undies. Socks are pretty practical. Undies are rather crazy. Yeah that's him.
I took the initiative to talk to him. He just replied as it is. There was no deep conversation about life. There is no discussion or asking for opinion. I spoke to one of his gang friend back then, weird guy, trying to act smart because he came back to NUS and some company la. He said Subang guy is pretty easy to handle. It felt like a slap on my face. Does it mean I didn't handle him well? I thought again and the answer is very pathetic to my confidence.
I don't wanna act in a conversation. I want to tell him (almost) everything, to rant and expect a hug or a kiss to calm me down. I am not saying that I cannot control myself, but won't it be fun to have someone. I guess when one becoming less crazy, one would wanna settle with someone and get old. Am I getting less crazy and ready to settle down? It sound like giving up what I cherish the most, my randomness and craziness. Or rather, I did both in a un-adult manner. It makes me think of the Lansi guy, yeah he has this crazy outlook (stud under the lips-chin area) but he is cool, reserved and steady. I think the girl also quite gila, stayed with him for like 6 years? Wonderful straight young relationship huh? Ohya, he grew some stomach, macam pillow can hug. He told me he can consider doing shirt for the gay people, but he gonna have a hard time looking at topless muscular men, not for model la. Macam abit pelik. I dunno what am I thinking.
2016 is coming, I am not sure what I wanted to see and achieve. I hope family is cool and chill and healthy. Probably can send mom and aunt to some oversea spot to look see when they are still able to walk. I put my life at the end of the wish usually, I always think that I can manage. In 2016, I think I still can manage and control. Yeah, I wished I have a long term relationship.
ARGGGHHHHHHWWWWWHH!
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