Shattered. Renewal.

LK is a very adventurous guy. We made out in the car the first time we met. Young guy. I thought it would be a pretty fun relationship. I set a 6-month probation period. Last 2 weeks ago we stopped talking. I didn't text him. He didn't text me. So I guess it is a call-off by default.

I met Cheras guy like about 2 months ago. About the same time as LK. I thought of Cheras guy more often than LK. Half of the time I thought about Subang guy. I don't feel like articulating to anyone. This will be my default diary for dirty stories.

Cheras guy has been attached with his bf for 7 years. Kind. Lengzai. Protein body, but still pretty yummy. Has a taste for spectacles guy at their middle age. (I looked old for a 27-year-old biological age.) To cut it short, he suspected his bf is having an affair with someone else and he is willing to leave him any moment. Self-sacrifice I would call that. He said the love between them has transformed into habit or companionship. But the fact that he confronted the bf to talk about this means he still likes him after so many years later. There were arguments la. No matter how unique I am to him, he said he wanna remain the brother love/companionship relationship. I just knew that he has a regular fuck buddy that is married.

What I learn from this so far? In reference to my failing relationships, I guess I will back to the fuck-around mode while keep on discovering about life with rainbow colors. Meanwhile Subang guy friend-zoned me, as usual. Cheras guy, gave me different perspective about gay relationship. It sounded like sex and love can be really separated, or the relationship is built on a brother-hood kinda like basis. 

My thoughts are everywhere. I am sad that why me getting a decent relationship seems hard. Perhaps time/faith tak ngam? At times I thought I lost myself in the sea of muscles/sex/FB fame. I am sure there is more in life than this. Dear future bf/partner, I KNOW I AM FUCKED UP BUT I AM NOT THAT FUCKING BAD. I guess I will not settle for second best. I may as well remain single and hot. SKP, you're fucking pathetic, hahhaa!