I drank and I drank, til I was drunk. I freed myself. I was really happy talking crazy to those bunch of gay dudes.
Prior to that, I was alone, squatting outside the house, watching the sky, the cloud and the star. I thought: this universe is so huge. I am nothing compared to it, neither do my problem.
HEBI is no longer around for me. He is with someone. I know others will say, fight for what you wanted. I am not that brave; he is with another guy now, it is official; if I were to crash in, I will be the 3rd party again. I don't want to repeat the same mistake again. The world is so small, nothing is important. Nothing really.
On the way back to KL, I was sort of scolded by my gor: Why do you wanna make yourself looked so cheap?! Stop it! Move on! There are so many guys out there! I just dun understand!
(I am just ranting it out randomly, not in good form, but just wanna write things out.)
If I were to be really good, why wont he came back for me? Or, he doesn't know how to appreciate me? I know the answer, but I hate to admit that. I duno why. I was blinded.
Back in Ipoh, I had conversation with myself. I belong to no one, except my mom and my dad. I am single and thus I dont have any obligation towards anyone. I am free to do what I wanted. At one point, I wanted to offer myself to one for guys in the house; but I pulled back as I dont think it is wise to make any decision in that kinda situation. I was drunk already.
For those whom I have fallen love to, I tend to take long time to recover. Unfortunately, it is no helpful towards my shitty work now. I felt gloomy everyday. I tried. I will try harder.
Once I was the hero, I shall not let myself down. SKP, you must stand up!
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