Ipoh. Again.

I saw him in the mall, with someone else, I was angry. I text him to ask him to stop going out with gay guys, just focus on giving all he got to resume the relationship with the gf. He replied after a moment. When I read it, I told the receptionist that I need some time out. I ran towards the lake. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I was sobbing, tearless. He told me that he is attached with some else, and very faithful to HIM.

The reason I left was to give way to a straight relationship. NOT a gay relationship! I tried to call my bestie; she didn't pick up. I went worse. I kicked the tree hard. I kicked and I kicked. Eventually I calmed myself down. I went back to the office. Thinking that he was just trying to tease me or something.

I was calmed. Abnormally calmed afterward. I focused on work.

After a few days, I recovered my hotmail. I was deleting emails and I saw his name. I got an email from him. The title was HAPPY BIRTHDAY. The email was long. I read. I got even upset; why did I left him unattended, and the worse, left him attached with some heartless guy?!

It was a blow for me. I still cared for him. I have not let go thoroughly. Even I am now dating with the USJ guy, I still think of him. The road, the shops, the restaurants and the memory we set in PJ.

There is still somebody I can talk to. I text him. He replied, without scolding me, telling to wait for his call in the evening as he is occupied with his work.

I ranted. And everything I ranted seems so stupid to him. He did not scold. He said it in a I-CANT-HELP-YOU-BECAUSE-YOU-WERE-THE-ONE-WHO-DECISION-TO-BREAK-UP-LAST-TIME-NOW-YOU-NEED-TO-BEAR-THE-CONSEQUENCES.

True. He was right. I was the one who made the decision to leave. To be stone-cold. To think it was for the better. He offered a weekend with him in Ipoh. I bought the idea. His presence made me felt safe. Yes he will tease and say harsh stuffs, but I believe it can help. I have decided. I went to Ipoh.