Ranting

Finally I felt liberated after days of keeping quiet back in hometown. FYI, I don't usually talk unless required or things get out of hand. Tonight I went to one of the bestie house, talk nonsense.

I thought I have always been telling people that I am single with all my gay life relationship stories. Anyhow she doesn't know so I told her. I told them about subang guy. I said I was very frustrated with subang guy with the whole twist of the story. If u have been reading- which I hope not, wanna limit the number of people reading this blog- you would know about me and subang guy.

Honestly, again, I think I am not that bad looking, she said some lady said I am good looking, so there you go, I hit the gym, I act dumb but I think at times I am smart, I manage my finance, so what is so bad about me anyway? Ur not that good looking either, but I am just comfortable being with you. 

So yeah, I lamented about Subang guy, then I thought, after so long, 2 years or 3 years, I am still talking about the same guy even I dated several guys after him. Am I still into him? Or I am just some boring guy who would still go back to the same old guy?

About Subang guy, average looking, tall, yeah, some belly, a very unflattering body, some belly, but I like his sense of humor coupled with some level of confidence. I still remembered after the very first meet up with him at KTZ SS2, I was with the crazy hair (mini bun) and cheap clothes, he said he was abit taken off by my image, yet it was nice to talk to me, and he hoped that it would be the last time we meet up. To him telling me about crazy accountant guy and me telling him about Hebi. We kissed and sexed blah blah, until crazy accountant guy forbid him from meeting up with me again. I felt pissed off and cheated, I cried walking away from McD Taipan Subang, I was in anger and I felt pity for myself. After a few months he text me sending a song from Eason 《好久不见》, I just said hi and hope he was well with crazy accountant guy. In the middle we had sex, I don't know why, but it happened. Then everything back to normal isolation until he broke up with him. I am not sure what happened then but apparently he dated 2 persons. It was pretty short and it didn't work. Back to square one, me and him, we went out makan, just like normal friend. I don't feel the romance. However there were one strange night where I treated him dinner and expensive dessert (the stupid inside scoop), bought him bread too. Despite I had garlic, he forced kissed me when I drop him back outside the house. I thought there was some light of hope, but nothing follow up. Then after a few months I tried to ajak him yamcha and greeted him morning and night. After a week of two, I gave up. He has already moved to Shah Alam, we were divided by RM4 of back and forth toll. Until today, we can talk but there will not be follow up. 

Yeah here I am. Asking for a good bf that I am happy with. I have a few criteria but so far little people fill in the space. Screw it. I have no solution and I have no way. Citing the love diagnosis book, perhaps why LOVE has been something mesmorizing to human because it is so hard to grasp it.