Memory shut-off

I confronted him again yesterday. I asked why not me? Because all he wanted, all he demanded I have done that. I am opened about my sexuality. I do not shy away from introducing my bf to others. And I am sure I have not lose to others in taking care of him.

He said he doesn't know why he loved him so much. Fine. It hurt me the most.

I went to sleep, shutting off the memory of him. Whenever I thought of him. I will instantly shut it off.

I woke up to day, I shut if off again.

I have no choice to make myself feel better than to shut that memory off for the moment. That piece of memory is not helpful.

I duwan dwell so much on this. At this point, I shut him off. Self-defense mechanism u wanna call it? Yeah probably. I have let myself down; ruined my day because I kept refreshing that piece of memory.

HEBI, I wish u luck. No matter how, I need to move on. I dare to say, you don't know how to appreciate me, u cannot see the best in me. I admit, love is blind. Like Calvin Junichuro said: love is an illusion. Indeed.

SKP still believes in love. It is just somehow I have acquired this idea that love is not easy. I didn't have a great memory in developing long relationship. Perhaps it was just fated. I don't mind. But it won't be a reason for me to NOT believe in love anymore.

My version of love is different. So do you. All the best. We had great memory; but it is over. I need to keep reminding myself. Signing off. Adious!