Love revived!

Summerset Ampang. That place. I went there to meet up with a Canadian Chinese but he never turned up. It was late so I left the lobby. Walking alone in a slightly drizzling evening makes me felt lonely. Would he be fetching me? The traffic light was red and quickly, I ran across Jalan Tun Razak, heading to Ampang Park.

Tired and dizzy (because went main main with a friend at SkyBar and drank one pine of Calsberg, I am not a good drinker) I found a seat in the LRT and I took out a book to read, relieved.

Summerset Ampang. I recalled weeks ago I went to stalk her facebook. I saw a picture of her posing comfortably on a bed. It was at Summerset Ampang. I also recalled he went to some gym in Summerset Ampang. I also recalled a colleague of mine talking about how he and her gf had sex at the first place. I tried to close my mind. I tried to focus on the complex Chinese characters of the book. I didn’t know what I was reading. I missed him. I am thinking things that I wished not to visualize.

Bisexual. Sometimes I do hate this category of people, because of him. I know it is not fair, but because of him, I am blaming some group of people. I am selfish. I still hate the fact that he didn’t fight for me. He didn’t try hard enough to convince me. I know I should not blame him, but I did. 

“You’re the reason I believe in love…” Shania Twain’s voice echoes in my head.

I asked myself: Do you still believe in love? No. It is just a lie…

But if you wanted love, then you must believe in it. You create it. You spread the love. And there will always be love everywhere, because love is sustained by everyone, and you have to be the one who started it.

Even though he chose her at the end, isn’t it still love? I created war by cutting all the contacts with him. I have failed love. However, if I don’t do it now, I may cost further hurt in the future. Yes, I am a noble person, I left him so that he can be with her. I tried to convince myself. 

Well, on the positive side, after kicking him out of my life, I have more time to hang out with friends. I have always increased my chance of meeting new people through Jack’d without feeling guilty. I am single what?! I have no commitment at all. I can have fun or anything I wanted. I am free. Haha.

No matter how. I should always remind myself to sustain the love in me. Even though he can’t get my love, it doesn’t mean others don’t deserve the chance as well. No he won’t destroy myself. And I won’t let myself to destroy myself as well.

Someone was dead today. Peace be upon him. Though I duno him personally, peace be upon him. May he find the truth at the other side. And may be shed some light on us, if we are doing sin. Does god really forbid homosexuality?

Signing off, with mixed stubborn feeling.