...

On the night of my birthday, I ran out of the wedding ballroom to cry when I heard those lovey-dovey love songs and the romantic short video clip on how the boss and his wife met in a random makan place.

Tonight is mid autumn; I walked around the apartment with the tiny paper lantern, alone.

He and she could be having good time together. He laughs and she smiles. 

These thoughts hunt me whenever there are special occasions and I am all alone.

Yes it is painful to think of this. But I need to bear it. I have to.

There is one twinky nerdy guy got interested with me. Not my type of guy but good in heart. For no reasons, he bought me a BERSIH 3.0 photograph book worth RM60. I thought that was cute.

He text me saying that he should not have much expectation. I told him straight away that I don’t feel like starting a relationship because I still missed him. I apologized. He said it was okay. But I know he was really upset as he didn’t reply my text message the next day.

Sometimes I think: How am I gonna find another guy better than him? On second thought, I asked the same question when the bastard left me all of the sudden and I was moody for 6 month time until I knew that he cheated on me.

A friend of mine, female, after the bf broke off with her for another girl, went moody even though after 2 years and now she is still convincing herself from time to time that she is okay. Obviously, someone who kept telling others that she is all right means the opposite. 

Rationally, I don’t want to waste my time and energy on such matter. However, it just surfaced from time to time. 

Do I need to convince myself that he is no someone good? Do I need to hate him because he didn’t even try harder to win me back?

It’s hard. But I have to move on. SKP. Keep it up! Happy Birthday and have fantastic year ahead. I am officially 24 years old now. 

Lanterns bought all the way from Sungai Petani. Hung outside the house.