The titanium facade

“A titanium facade can last, however long a person can wear it for it is not light.”

I posted this on my FB and he came to ask if when I wanted to put the titanium facade down. I acted innocent and told him a tall story about some new Naruto bad guy who was trapped inside a titanium mask. Since he knew little about Naruto, it came as a pretty good excuse. However, I am not convinced if he believed it entirely as before this I have been acting cold towards him after the gym. I know, he would be going out with her again.

Perhaps I have been naïve. Looking back to the past 9.5 months, it felt like a bloody fairy tale, and it has an ugly progression, unfortunately.

It was pure happy back then, I have nothing to worry about as I treated him nothing more than a handsome cute friend. I fall for him after a while, he was really good to me. (Now it felt like “I love my new Samsung Galaxy S2” in the 2nd quarter and then “I am buying Samsung Galaxy S3” in the 4^th quarter =_=) Drama followed up and it resolved, temporarily. Eventually I was trapped inside the vicious cycle. It has repeated again and again.

This time, I told myself. I have no whatsoever fucking relationship with him. We are just the simple friends with benefits. It would just some pure adult personal business.

As hard as I could, I tried to smile. I diverted my attention towards any object passing across my view outside the car. I would scrutinize these objects and have extended elaborations about their features. At one point, I found myself describing the availability of parking area inside a random condo near Sunway Giza. It was stupid. I felt like an old clown repeating the old tricks in a circus.

It was tiring and depressing to act “Hei you see, I am totally okay!” However, since I am counting on his help to sign me up for one of those overtly commercialized gym with cheaper and reasonable prices, I have to keep up with the show lah.

Initially we were planning to go Jaya33, the destination was suddenly changed to skip the long-winded fake “Hei my name is Stephanie and I will show u the gym shortly” session. So he drove from Damansara to my place, then back to Damansara again. Immediately, I told myself: Damned, I owed him again! Plus the fucking KL weekend also go jam punya motherfucker traffic. Can we have more fast and furious Metro bus to penetrate every single corner of KL so that kita tak payah beli kereta pun. Itu Myvi bukannya murah sangat, and Vios is just another Rm20k ++ away from what I will be paying for the next 7 motherfucking years!

Anyhow, we reached and we had late lunch at the motherfucker Nasi Kandar. My nasi beryani was RM12 and his skimpy maggi goreng was RM3.80. He insisted to pay for it but he gave up seeing my anger build instantly. I tried to hold my tears. My mind kept having the idea that he was paying it because he felt bad.

After an hour of trial work out session, I asked him to leave me at IKEA. He gave me the shut-up look and explained that he has no issue driving people around. Fine, I gave up.

Eventually, I reached my place and I walked away from him without much bye-bye talk. I didn’t feel like facing him any longer. He text me to inform me that my sudden silence didn’t please him at all. I told him I was just tired.

Can someone help me to paint the plain titanium facade with a smiley face so that it will turn up to be more convincing? Signing off, really tired.