Right or wrong?

Suddenly he text me a message saying that he will leave us for a moment. He begged for some time on his own. 

I was puzzled? Why so sudden? Oh, so it turned out that he had just spoken to his ex. I didn’t investigate further, I just told him to take his time. Why am so calmed? Because this is no something new, I was pretty immune to this already, A-ham-du-lila! However, how could not miss his morning greetings that comes every single morning?

I thought it will take pretty long, mana tau dia next day evening text me to report to me that he just got off from the office. I looked at the clock, it was 9:45pm. I hissed. I hate people who worked like a slave. Have a life people! We are still young! Of course, with huge amount of relief, I replied quickly. He said that he was really really sanfu (mentally tortured); I told him that I am alright. I lied.

2 days later, that is today. We had ramen at IKUZO RAMEN at PJ. A pretty interesting so-called some ramen revolution thingy but I thought it was just pretty normal. Well, food on these days have been so intentionally modified to cater to idiotic consumerism of young people and anyone can easily be coned by others into believing anything that orginal lah, fake lah, new ah, good ah what lah! Oh I gave 20 cent of tips to the waiter because they are SERIOUSLY!!!! Very damned fucking polite! I mean it! Really made you feel wanna go there again!

Anyhow, the point is, we are having dinner 2 days after the I-have-to-take-a-break drama. This is where the real interesting part people!

After the dinner, he said he wanna tapao (bungkus makanan). But, to whom he tapao for? Pandai-pandai lah. I kept quiet and tried to figure out something to break the silence. I talked about Victor, the demanding CEO of the company I am working for. 

He drove me back to the SEAPARK. Again, before I got off, he asked: Are u sure that there is nothing you wanna question me about? I said no. Quickly, I bit him goodbye and watched him driving away, with the RM4.50 add-rice punya chicken rice. Wah, she can REALLY eat ah! Haha! For the record, I bought him that trigular what Swizerland chocolate from PJ punya so-called oldest GIANT as some tiny gift remedy for emotionally ravaged heart. So I am not a bitch who takes advantages of others, mind you!

Of course he perfectly know that I knew to whom he tapao the HUGE chicken rice for. Thus he text me telling me that he is guilty because recently he did nothing for me; however he has created  problem blah blah blah. 

So here comes a case study: Why does he feel guilty? As for as I am concerned, people will only feel guilty if they have done something wrong or immoral. So what sort of things that he has done that could have made him guilty?

After all these dramas, I understand that he still have pretty huge amount of feelings towards her. Yes, I am immune to this, sadly. Eventually I told him that he did nothing wrong. I am not his bf, thus there is no commitment or agreement. There is nothing such as right or wrong. He should be the one who defines what is right or wrong. If he did something that he thinks is right, however people say Oh that is wrong, definitely he will bo-syok one. I believe we are all adults (konon-nya lah…) and we know what is right or wrong. So just be himself.

In fact, there is really no definite right or wrong. Person A thinks X method is the best way while person B thinks Y is the best. So what now? Especially when it comes to relationship matter, something personal, lagi difficult to definite what is right or wrong. She is, after all, his beloved ex-gf, and he has tried so hard to explain to me that he should at least take care of her when she needs help, such as sending dinner over her place since she couldn’t find food?

Well what can I say? He is being gentleman, thus it is correct, something noble indeed. However, to me, I feel insecure. Why would someone ur dating with, sends dinner to his ex? It is right, but it is not helping our relationship, and certainly I cannot call that wrong. Is that wrong?

Since I have decided that I am just treating him as a friend-with-benefits, I feel much better now. I don’t expect things from him, and certainly I will be meeting new guys when I hit the gym soon. Right or wrong, does it really matters when u loved someone? And they say, love is blind. It is never something rational, and being irrational to me, is nothing good.

Ah all the philosophy thingy, I am going back to the land of river and petani loh. Mommi wanna see her youngest gay son J

* And he said he wanna come to fetch me when I will b arriving 4am Monday morning. I asked for a reason, he said he just wanna fetch me. Now what is that?

Signing off, listening to 可惜不是你 12:15am 27 July 2012 Thursdays