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Monday, 31 October 2011

Le Chatelier @ the edge of bipolar syndrome


After what I called a mental/ emotional concussion yesterday night,
I created this piece of work for my FB profile picture.

I hate myself.
I am ashamed of myself.
I cannot see anything good within the soul under my skin.
Even when I looked into the mirror. I see a slut!
(Physically I may not be a slut, but it seems mentally, I am one!)

Thus, the idea of joker comes in- the idiotic joker.
And then my mind strayed to the poker cards... the spade and the queen.

Then I was inspired by the up-down-double queen card.

The queen above is scolding LC (Lanciao!!!)
while the queen below is cursing CCB (Chao Cibai!!!)
Well, aren't they the same person?
Could they be duplicates?
A clone of one of another?

Who's the bloody bitch?
BOTH are!

Deep concentration on other matter-in this case, visualizing my mind- can take away the troubling thought, temporarily, which is pretty much of a symptomatic treatment. Yet, still proven to be relieving (Le Chatelier 2011.)

Sunday, 30 October 2011

Closeted slut

Your girlfriend seems perfect. She loves you.

The fact that I actually thought the issue repeatedly, still unable to make a definitely decision has proved the slut in me. All of a sudden, I wished to be with you. Having the thought to persuade you to break up with your girl friend, so that I can make you my own is a utter shame to myself!

Am I that vulnerable to sweet words? True, people listen to what they wanna listen. And I may have just twisted the fact according to my ugly thoughts.

You could be just treating you as best gay friend, right?

But I am sorry, it seems I am not good at drawing boundary this time. What happened to me?

Should I start avoiding you? I screwed my evening~

Saturday, 29 October 2011

Suppressing my foxy gene!

Today I went out with a new guy I met online. It was sort of like a date, just that we did not hold hands niah. SLAP MYSELF FOR HAVING THESE KINDA THOUGHT!!! LOL~

Surprisingly, I did not feel paiseh and I think he was quite comfortable with me as well. The one day date was really memorable and I thought I have fallen for him. He is handsome (but with some acnes) and generally good in character.

But too bad, he has a girl friend. I went home and browsed over his FB to find that girl- and I think I found her - very beautiful and elegant. All of a sudden, felt like saying: Wanita, ancaman gay! (adapted from the controversial WHI talk show's stupid title: Pondan, ancaman wanita.) LOL!

To some, it may be called 公平竞争 -"a fair competiton", but still I find it unethical. From previous experiences and horrible stories I heard, I have made it clear to myself not to get into any other's relationship, be it gay or straight! I know I would be going to hell according to some religious interpretation (NOT THE RELIGION OR THE GOD! I AM TALKING ABOUT THE INTERPRETATION, BECAUSE NO ONE SEEN GOD TAKING A LIFT DOWN FROM HEAVEN TO TELL HUMAN THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN!!!) I don't feel like going further down to the basement of HELL!!! LOL

The affection I experienced today seemed rather familiar actually. I recalled the moment I met my last ex back in a few months ago, and now Mr moon-face, till today- Mr Duno-what-to-call-him, the feelings seem to be quite the same- puppy love-like.

What is the point of starting a relationship so fast? Do I know him well enough to make first move? Was he hiding something under a facet? But he seemed genuine! Oh well, people changes... and then the distance factor (because I planned to go back to the north to work, I wanna savor my mom's cooking!!!)... the communication... blah blah blah. Lagipun, he just stepped into his gay side of him- most probably will change when he meet more people.

Tired of drama liao loh, wanna take a rest in relationship. Gonna say NO to Mr moon-face, and the most important of all, big NO to Mr Duno-what-to-call-him.

I need to surpress my foxy gene! Haha~ Wah, felt like Naruto suppressing the nine-tailed pulak! LOL

Sunday, 16 October 2011

Some crap about kids+family


I was attending a probably IMF-depted so-called gathering for the ex-national service fella. I was not sure why I came so early: I thought if I were on my right mind, I should have known that the whole thing will not be starting anytime before Jibby's luxurious dinner somewhere else. Oh well, since I have arrived, with my laptop, I might as just well do something before I decided whether to leave or stay.

Since there is no where cooler than the Aquatic center, I dashed my way to the building and smiled widely to the makcik guard there so that I don’t looked suspicious~ LOL (and thanked the center for having functional electrical plug!!! Or else my battery won’t be able to last!)

I was going through the webpages that I have saved in the morning and suddenly this kid came out of nowhere, standing beside me.

“Helo my little friend, who are your parents?” (Was it weird to have this as the first conversation? With a kid~ Haha)

And to my surprise (I didn’t know why I was surprised anyway) he muttered monotonously: I am the son of my papa and mama.

I went Wow~ That was a pretty smart way to dodge an answer! Hmm… Perhaps he didn’t know his parents name leh?!

This kid turned out to the son of a unfriendly quiet woman (because she didn’t ask me what I wanted when I was standing in front of the counter thinking whether I wanna take the butter or coffee bun~ LOL) who run a tiny stall inside the aquatic center. He was kinda shy but very curious as well for he wanted to know what I was doing with a laptop in the aquatic center and he asked why my nails were black in color. Haha. Overall pretty adorable minus the part he picked up his ice-cream spoon from the god-knows-how-many-people-have-stepped-on-it floor!!! E-yew!!!

I love kids, when they are adorable lah~ Monstrous crying kid is a big No-no! I don’t wanted to do sin by murdering a small kid~ LOL

Kids are just like a piece of white paper, where they have so many potentials if they are well-educated and brought up in a good manner. In fact, they can be at the lowest of attitude, or the highest of achievement.
They are always very inspirational to me: When I feel down, a playful kid reminds me not to ponder too much, just make fun out of nowhere and play really really hard! When I feel I don’t have the confident to undertake some tasks, I will transfect myself the potential from a kid- that I have the potential to pull it off as well, why chicken out?!

If I were lucky enough to be with an equally loving ready-to-be father bf, I would like to adopt a kid or anak angkat a few from the orphanages. At least, someone out there can make use of my money, energy and time while I can have a small family of my own J You cannot deny that the growing up process of a kid can make people feel young and energy. Harlo hor, why kids have those kinda power to affect elder people ah? Because they smile more, play more, move more? Yeah I guess~

Oh well, single single me, keep thinking about family and bf~ Siao a~ Haha~ Aiya~ Gonna hit the sack already, I shall write about the lame occasion in next post~ Gute nacht~

 Kumpul mah kumpul loh~ SOHAI~ Tapi I tak nampuk Tan Seri Lee Lam Tai pun~

Thursday, 13 October 2011

海枯石烂 by Olivia Ong


這幾天你在那個城市 
天氣一定晴朗
因為你就是個太陽

有空想念我的話 
就稍信來說晚安
讓夢裡星光燦爛

別再 擔心我瘦了 
別把我寵壞
只要 你平安回來
就夠浪漫

這幾天沒有你在
當然有些平淡孤單
但我感謝這孤單

讓我更加確定你是我缺少的那一半
完成我的那一半

不怕明天的世界 會變成怎樣
每天看見你笑臉 我就心安
不管外面的世界 想變成怎樣
我們還有我們的 小小天堂 

我有你放在心上 
生命就有了重量
風來也不會飄盪

一起看海枯石爛
一起等地老天荒
慢慢愛 不慌不忙

我有你守在身旁
眼睛就可以勇敢
看歲月怎麼漫長

就算真海枯石爛
就算已地老天荒
還相愛 就沒遺憾

不遺憾

It has been more than a month since we met. I remembered that you said the most enjoyable part was when we were on the ferry. I have always liked the breeze, but with your company, everything seems far more better- I was with you. My arm was around you and I was humming this song- you loved that, you told me. I hoped that moment last longer, but I don't think we will ever have the chance to watch the sea turning dry, the rock turning ashes? (Oh well, I am not that evil, if the sea turned dry? How about the fishes?!!!)

Do you know that I still think of you from time to time?

I don't really know the exact problem between us. Did I not care? Nuh, I just don't want to go on deeper with the topic. I guess it was better to respect your decision.

Sigh... SKP is now officially back to single~ Yeah, kinda lonely. But I still have myself to date.

Mr. SKP, I am wondering whether you would be free for a date on this coming Sunday? Hihi~ I guess I can make some time off for you~ Specially just for you dear :-)

Snowflakes? And male version of Maggie-Q at the Sg. Wang outlet? ON!!!

Isn't the moon beautiful tonight? :-) Love it~

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

"Hoi, today your husband is not doing business ah!"

Today was a rare date that me and Mr Karate were going UO ChowKit to stock up groceries. We planned to have lunch at "WongYokFan" economy rice after that - highly recommended for her wonderful curry!

Then we bumped into another friend, normal lah~ I just said Hi and went into deep thinking whether to deceive my taste buds with nothing more than sweet sensation- I am talking about biscuits; eventually I did buy Chip Ahoy! and Julie's Butter Waffles ;-)

Since UO ChowKit is not as big as any Cold Storage outlet, it is usually normal to bump into the same person a few times within minutes; so Mr Karate caught a glimpse of me at the corner of the shelves. There was an short aunty loading some new stocks onto the shelves beside.

"Hoi, today your husband is not doing business ah!" Out of a sudden, Mr Karate sort of yelled it out at me; and I witnessed the weird expression on that short aunty's face- FACE TO FACE!

Her face was something like this~ Haha

I was not sure whether it was my imagination or her disbelief lah that has made me reading her expression as WEIRD...

I was half angry and half amused. WTF dude?!!! There was an aunty over there okay! What husband?!!

"Huh? Really ah? Then how?" I just acted like there was nothing abnormal about his grand annoucement and moved out of sight- Yes I was embarrassed... LOL

Eventually we joked about that short incident lah. So funny!

p/s: FYI, the WongYokFan economy rice is runned by a near 30 years old tomboy with her mother. Since I am like sissy and she is like tomboy, my buddies addressed her as my husband. Me and my buddies often find jokes from stupid stuffs lah~ BTW, she has no idea that she is my "husband", please keep it quiet~ Shh...


pp/s: Been pretty tied up with BLEACH lately (I wanna be Zaraki Kenpachi!!!), watching all the way from the very beginning... so kinda lazy to write... Hehe