Walking away from the10 years

Knowing the fact that I was no longer appreciated by the guy I loved before this, I kept on thinking weird things and the replay of the previous time I spent with him and all those funny stupid things we did together SLAPPED me hard on the face. But I would like to act noble again- that he has the freedom of choice and I only have myself to blame when someone out there can offer more than I can give~

I had refused to let myself licking my own wound, so I asked for a shoulder to cry on- which explains the sudden vulgarity on FB~ (Please pardon me, I find cursing extremely therapeutic in an usual way~)

So who would have the most effective power to heal my wound? It must be someone with some first-aid basic knowledge loh~ (He was really cool wearing the St. John uniform during secondary school, so charming u know~ And he got more muscles these days, add-in the hot element loh~) Thus, I told him about my sad story and deliberately asked him to tipu-tipu console me!!! And guess what?

Sad face: Hei, my ex (fill-in-the-blank) on me :-( Can u tipu-tipu console me?

Mr. I-dun-wanna-come-back-to-Malaysia: O. So what? May it has something to do with your personality...

 I went speechless at the instant. In order to act cool-which was super fake, I just saje-saje responded something open-ended and nothing after that. To my utter disappointment, he continued with the gym issue, asking why I did not put up topless pictures on FB.

How can acted like that to me? Even thought he doesn't wanna hold a gay guy's hand doesn't mean that he cannot console a sad individual in a role of a normal friend!!!

That WAS it. I was actually thinking of what to send him for his birthday in July (either a hand-made card or an Iphone case) and I am afraid I have thought too much. I don't dare to say that he doesn't deserve my attention as who am I to him? Am I a friend? Or am I just an idiot? Or a clown?

The thought was really killing me and I decided to call Miss Saving-the-earth-from-devastation for some remedy before I turned mental. Indeed, paying 66 cent for a Kedah-to-Ipoh phone call was proven to be effective.

Well, at least I have someone who understands my dimbo-ness and can think of something for me when my brain stops generating positive thoughts for the moment.

And so, I am writing this to mark the day I felt more courage and will not to allow myself to go back thinking of him~

p/s: Dear Mr. I-dun-wanna-come-back-to-Malaysia, if u wanted me to hate u so that I can give up the thought of chasing after u, congratulations, u did well this time. I don't  think I will be sending anything to Stuttgart, because I am just a dimbo~ This time, I really really wanted to free myself from u. Yes, Siew Wei, he is just a phase~

SKP, signing off, along together with the sadness~