In February 2011, I guess it was the ever first time of my entire life, that I actually anticipated something from a person on Valentine’s. Nonetheless, I asked him not to come back and stay back for his best friend’s farewell thingy, keep acting noble… Acting like a silly girl in silence, I waited for him to come back to hug me everything after Valentine’s. Back then, I didn’t feel that I was pity or what as I knew I have him. I felt kinda happy thinking of him as he was the best guy I have ever had!
Sigh~ I guess best thing never last lah. Too bad, now I ended up losing him. I don’t know why… I thought we’re very happy back then. It was just so sudden! Sampai at one point I really cannot accept it.
He sent me an SMS on day, telling me that he wanted “No-string attached”. Too bad my cognitive and language skills are not low, or else I could have just reply “Huh?” During that moment, I thought of cheating myself but I knew it’s just too real. I felt something was not going right before this as he never ever ignored my SMS. Eventually, we talked on the phone to clarify everything. And that’s it, now Im back to square one-single.
Well, I guess I can only take karma to reason out. I did nasty things when I was in my previous relationship and now I get to taste it back… Damned! It’s no use fighting back for it now. And I don’t think I get to fight back… It’s not like it’s my right to have a guy with me?! I cannot control this kinda matter, can I?
Looking at other couples-be it homosexual or heterosexual-spending happy times together, I will feel pathetic. I keep imagining: If I have him, I could just call him up to have a little chat with him, to tell myself that I have someone too. But now? Whenever I tell myself that I am single, my self esteem would just go down the drain :-(
I know that I am not that weak to the point where I needed someone to protect me or anything! But I just needed someone! I felt “alone” somehow at this point of my life. I needed someone to “compliment” my life. I guess I just do not deserve anyone…
To the other gay couples out there, I think it’s not easy to find a good guy to go around with. If you are lucky enough to have met one, please do not let go easily. See into his strength, not his weakness.
You might just roll a six on your next turn. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah Hopefully lah~ Being positive just seems to be harder at the time being...
ReplyDeleteThanks mate :-)
so much for your first post :) hahahaha.. cheer up! dont be so emo!! :) make it less emo.. erm... by thinking positive :) alright!! hahaha.. maybe its just not your time yet :) love will eventually come to you, just dont close your options and be too choosy :) take care!! :) see you around!! haha...
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