Ah usually I only write when real life threatening issue comes!
To cut things short, I have been going with this guy for nearly 5 months loh. So fast hor~
A lotta things happened, it started with art exhibition, then took care of me when I was deadly haunted by that barua fever, brought me out for X'mas dinner lah, Chinese New Year meet up lah, gifts the day before Valentines lah, driver lah, barua fever again lah.
I am really a barua because I do not make conclusions most of the time, mostly because I dont have the confidence. I have been rejecting any sort of thoughts that he loves me as well.
Thus, instead of day-dreaming, I decided to take him as my bf, no matter how he feels towards me, it is just very tiring to keep guessing.
He has ald apologized twice for saying that he has no means to hurt me. He did not say it out, but I think I get what he means, he thinks that he got stuck in the middle and he never gave me any promise or declaration.
I have to admit that sometimes I do get hurt a little bit, but it was like a scratch or so, may be I have learned something from the past relationships.
He shared his conflict with me today and I said: So what?! Even if I am officially your bf, what if one day we decided to go separate ways, so what with that? Official or not, it means nothing much to me already. I am tired of making extra efforts to keep people from leaving my life cycles. If ones wanna leave, no matter how hard I beg, there is no point doing that. Life goes on after that. Occasionally I may dropped a few tears revisiting old memories lah, after all, I am still a human being, made of flesh and blood.
Somehow I have taken the fact that we are living in our own world: it is my problem if I have decided to treat you as my bf- I made that decision, VOLUNTARILY. Even if I get hurt badly one day, it will be ENTIRELY my problem, nothing to do with you. Me stupid kan?
I recalled once that I told my one of my gila straight buddies, that my bf would be just someone whom I came across in my life, if we have decided to walk different path one day, I will not hesitate to move on. He said that I am horrible guy.
Oh well, esok kena pergi jual muka dekat Mid Valley dan meet one of the stronger female I have come across my life- a Malay woman who smokes and talked like a guy yet she has very beautiful long hair tied together at the back. LOL g9 ppl!
p/s: "Barua" is my new found vocab for the purpose of creating euphoric feelings. "Barua" means pengkhianat atau orang buat kerja jahat.
pps: Uploaded on the next day morning because JARING UKM got some problem... LOL
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